Go to the bathroom alone (Murphy’s Law #13)

On the first birthday I celebrated after becoming a mother, I received a card with a picture like this on the front:

Inside the card was written, “Go to the bathroom alone.”

Ah, the bathroom. To someone without young children the bathroom is a sort of sanctuary. A quiet place. A place to pour a hot bath, examine gray hairs, read a magazine.

When there are toddlers and preschoolers in the house, the picture changes. On a good day, a mother will close the door and spend 18 seconds doing what she needs to do before the first knock comes. On most days in our house, the door is wide open and there are two small people watching my every move. In B’s words, “Momma, whyyyy are you putting that stuff on your eyes? It makes you look mad. Momma, whyyyy do we need toilet paper? Momma, whyyyy do we need to go pee?” And on and on.

Little A is mostly interested in trying to swirl her toothbrush in the toilet. Oh, and pointing at any water on the floor and making sure I know it is “wet!” She loves to empty out the baskets under the bathroom sink. The other day it took me 10 minutes to find my mascara. It was under my bed with some deodorant and a soother.

A few “Murphy’s Laws” of the bathroom:

  • The minute a mother gets in the shower, madness enters the house. Fully clothed children will suddenly run down the hall naked. Dogs will bark. The doorbell may even ring. Children who were innocently eating Cheerios and watching Toopy and Binoo will suddenly start screaming and freaking out.
  • The morning a mother allows herself a few extra minutes of sleep is the morning she finds her four-year old coated in penaten cream. Said four-year old will find the only tin of penaten cream left in the house, which is stored on the top shelf of the medicine cabinet.
  • Leaving your toddler’s diaper off for a few seconds always results in some sort of accident. Our new house has already been christened 3 times by my darling daughter.

I know there are more but my brain is tired from chasing children around the cul-de-sac, picking tubs of blackberries and singing 500 Miles five hundred times at bedtime.

What happens when you try to go to the bathroom alone? 🙂

11 responses

  1. I can definitely relate! The latest one for me was Izak decided he wanted to go outside while I was in the bathroom. We have a security lock at the very top of the patio doors. Izak took a chair, leaned it against the patio doors, climbed on the very top of the back of the chair, unlocked the door…and then fell off the chair. Ugh. Luckily he just scared himself badly and got a little bump, nothing too serious. Always madness just when a mom wants to pee or put on some dang mascara!! 🙂

    1. lol! Poor little dude. Give those two an extra hug for me in the morning.

  2. Your post is so true! I loved it. I don’t know what it is with kids wanting to put tooth brushes in the toilet. Two of my three have done it a couple times. My youngest likes to talk to me while I use the bathroom and cheer me on. Even if I’m just going pee, he says, “Yay mom you make big poop” Can you tell we are potty training lol.

    1. Thanks. 🙂 The thing that scares me is not knowing which toothbrushes have been in the toilet when I wasn’t looking! lol to the potty cheering. I gave my son smarties when he was training and he would usually give me one too.

      1. I know what you mean about not knowing what toothbrushes may or may not have been in the toilet. I still worry sometimes. I always check to see if the bristles are wet.

  3. Oh how I enjoy and relate these posts 😉 I have discovered the only moment of peace in the bathroom is at the ungodly hour of 5:45 am – if I get up early enough, tip toe put the room and get in a workout, I can manage a 10 min bath in peace – although, the stars must still align

  4. Oops, posted too quick. Thanks for reminding me that those “baby days” (that I miss so much) were harder than I remember! Once I asked a friend to come and watch my three so that I could take a good long bath after having had a terrible cold! 20 years later, she and I are still friends!

    1. Yes, it seems that time glosses over the difficult parts and leaves only the happy memories. That’s a good thing!

  5. […] have an audience in the bathroom again. When my husband is home I can go to the bathroom alone. When he is at work, the bathroom is a public place with inquiring eyes and poking fingers. The […]

  6. I think having a sense of humor is the only way to deal…

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