On the first birthday I celebrated after becoming a mother, I received a card with a picture like this on the front:
Inside the card was written, “Go to the bathroom alone.”
Ah, the bathroom. To someone without young children the bathroom is a sort of sanctuary. A quiet place. A place to pour a hot bath, examine gray hairs, read a magazine.
When there are toddlers and preschoolers in the house, the picture changes. On a good day, a mother will close the door and spend 18 seconds doing what she needs to do before the first knock comes. On most days in our house, the door is wide open and there are two small people watching my every move. In B’s words, “Momma, whyyyy are you putting that stuff on your eyes? It makes you look mad. Momma, whyyyy do we need toilet paper? Momma, whyyyy do we need to go pee?” And on and on.
Little A is mostly interested in trying to swirl her toothbrush in the toilet. Oh, and pointing at any water on the floor and making sure I know it is “wet!” She loves to empty out the baskets under the bathroom sink. The other day it took me 10 minutes to find my mascara. It was under my bed with some deodorant and a soother.
A few “Murphy’s Laws” of the bathroom:
- The minute a mother gets in the shower, madness enters the house. Fully clothed children will suddenly run down the hall naked. Dogs will bark. The doorbell may even ring. Children who were innocently eating Cheerios and watching Toopy and Binoo will suddenly start screaming and freaking out.
- The morning a mother allows herself a few extra minutes of sleep is the morning she finds her four-year old coated in penaten cream. Said four-year old will find the only tin of penaten cream left in the house, which is stored on the top shelf of the medicine cabinet.
- Leaving your toddler’s diaper off for a few seconds always results in some sort of accident. Our new house has already been christened 3 times by my darling daughter.
I know there are more but my brain is tired from chasing children around the cul-de-sac, picking tubs of blackberries and singing 500 Miles five hundred times at bedtime.
What happens when you try to go to the bathroom alone? 🙂