Tag Archives: humour

Murphyisms of the week (Murphy’s Law #12)

Two moments this week made me think, “Murphy’s Law” in a big way:

1. Even if all children are happy and occupied the moment before I immerse my hands in the gooey mess of hamburger-making, the minute I’m covered in ground beef, Little A will have Lego catwoman’s head in her mouth and will refuse to spit it out.

2. Do not let children play with cellphones! Little A was in her strap-on chair at the kitchen table. Brother B was teasing her with Big White Teddy. She grabbed BWT’s head and pulled. Brother B grabbed BWT’s back and pulled. Little A started falling forward. I started yelling. I yelled louder and did that slow-motion-but-really-fast-moving thing to grab her and prevent a disaster. I yelled some more. It all turned out fine, until I realized Little A had my cell phone and had auto-dialed the health unit. The phone was still on. It had been on for 24 seconds. The 24 seconds in which I was yelling.

All morning I waited for a call from some authority who would question my parenting skills. Thankfully they must not have had caller ID. 😉

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6 laws on packing with children (Murphy’s Law #10)

 

1. As fast as you pack, your baby-who-thinks-she’s-a-toddler will unpack.

2.You’ll pack up the rarely-played-with toys first. The very next day your child will demand to see those toys, even though he or she hasn’t asked for them since last Christmas.

3. As you prepare your old house for a showing, your 4-year-old will spill a box of Cheerios and half a jug of milk on the kitchen floor. Your baby/toddler will walk through all of this, slip, fall and start screaming just as you hear the realtor’s key in the front door.

4. The biggest box will become  a spaceship.

5.  Your children will each try out the tape gun and permanent marker. Hide the utility knife or they will try that too.

6.  At least once, you will leave a pink bra and some Buzz Lightyear underwear on the bathroom floor during a showing.

Running in the house (Murphy’s Law #9)

 Children running though the house and screeching with glee always results in a huge crash and loud screams.

The same scenario plays out every morning while I’m in the shower and D is playing with the kiddies before work. It begins with sweet, happy-family noises and quickly escalates into exuberant, hyper, all-worked-up noises.

Once I hear both children running around our 1000 square foot bungalow, I hold my breath and wait…wait…then CRASH! “Wahhh!””Wahhh!”

Is it bad that I sometimes wait until the crying stops before I get out of the shower? 😉

Public Tantrums (Murphy’s Law #8)

Spring 2010. Shopper’s Drug Mart. My 2-year-old.  He wants Smarties. I say no. Tantrum hits. Naturally, we are in the lineup and there are about 57 people behind us. Of course it is 5:00, the busiest time of day. We leave.

Last summer. At the park with friends. Our friend’s 4-year-old throws the worst tantrum ever. He sits in the car, about 100 feet away, windows open, screaming for 20 minutes. “He never does this at home,” the mom is quick to remind anyone within earshot.

Last night. A 3-year-old boy sits on the sidewalk near the beach. He is wailing. His mom is waiting by her car. She is exhausted.  She refuses to give in and pick up her miserable boy. He refuses to give in and go to the car. The Italian tourists watching the sunset are gossiping furiously (in Italian) about how terrible Canadian mothers are.

Why are the worst tantrums always in public? Maybe because as parents, we know we are being watched (and judged) so we don’t handle it the way we would at home.  I’d love to hear your best (worst!) tantrum stories.

Sleeping through the night (Murphy’s Law #3a)

 It’s pretty simple. The night your baby finally sleeps through the night a few different scenarios will play out:

1. Your older child will begin co-sleeping, even though he or she has always slept (relatively) soundly in his or her own bed.

2. Your husband will start snoring, louder than he ever has before.

3. Both of the above.

Do not make early appointments (Murphy’s Law #2)

Children wake up early. My children wake up earlier. 5:00 is an average day, 6:00 is pretty darn good and 7:00 is very, very rare. We never set an alarm. Booking a dentist appointment the other day, I figured we could take the earliest appointment (7:45) and be there with time to spare. Our day usually feels half over by 9:30 so this should be no problem. Naturally, this is the day that everyone sleeps in until 7:00. You think I’d learn.

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